Ending...

The year is ending, 2009 will be but a memory in less than 12 hours. If I had the patience to sit and type for hours I'd give 2009 memories from this past year (but lets be real, who wants 2009 of my memories?) So here are just a few: Buying my DSLR, making friends with a great family, being allowed to participate in the life of the beautiful McKenna Grace, feeling like I'm on TOP of the world, feeling like there's no place to go but up, finding a new church, learning new things about the children at my job, going snowboarding (and watching my bestie enjoy her first time on the slopes), my first ride on a Sea Doo, my first time driving a Sea Doo, more mini vacations than I can count, coming in FIRST place at Give Blood, Play Hockey...

Most importantly I will never forget the love I shared and the love I received from wonderful friends and family. I will never forget the blessing of seeing my Grandpa Howard Thompson one last time before he went to be with the Lord over the summer. I will never forget the people who stood by me and my family when it felt like we were standing alone. I will never forget the lessons I learned whether I learned them with laughter or tears. As 2009 becomes a memory, I look forward to 2010 and all that it brings and I welcome the new year with this challenge....BRING IT!

Is...

Never has there been a time that I've been more painfully aware of various truths. What is today may not be tomorrow. Forever is only as long as you can stand it. Hope can be rather fleeting. Visions disappear with daylight. Want is only for what you don't have, if you have it, you don't want it. When you're wanted you're loved, when you're had you're taken advantage of. The quietest time of the day is when there is the most noise. You can be alone when surrounded by people, in fact more people can make you more lonely. People will always forget what you want them to remember and remember what you want them to forget. Tomorrow is in fact not a clean slate.

Of all these disappointing truths, the one that stands clear, the one that opens the door to life, the one that overcomes all the disappointment is simple, God is. God is today and tomorrow. God is FOREVER. God is hope. God is sight. God wants you when you're gone and wants you more when you're close. God always surrounds you even when you feel completely alone. God forgets what isn't important and remembers what is. God is a clean slate. God is.

People will ALWAYS try to steal what is, even those with the best intentions will lead you to forget what IS and look at what seems. Plain and simple, I must never forget, GOD IS...

Breeze

Life is like a pile of leaves. A cool fall breeze can scatter every leaf about the yard and then just as suddenly the next breeze stacks the leaves together again. Corny I know, but its funny how quickly life can change. Its sad to think our lives are governed by chance, thank God there's someone out there who has every step planned and plotted carefully and thoughtfully!

Dots

I'll never forget being challenged by a 9 year old boy to a game of dots. The game was going well; an equal number of S and J boxes graffitied the Spaghetti Factory kid's menu. Then he made his fatal move. By drawing one line, Shane had opened up the door for me to unleash a brutal attack and dominate the game. As I completed each box, and with an odd sense of pride labeled each with a "J", I struggled to understand why the very kid who consistently beats me at tic-tac-toe had made such a foolish move. About 15 boxes later, it was Shane's turn. Instead of a look of defeat, I was shocked to see Shane smiling as he picked up his crayon and proceeded to complete what seemed like 30 or 40 "S" filled boxes. He went on to beat me by well over 60 points. Defeated again by a 9 year old.

It occurred to me that while I was playing turn by turn, Shane was plotting the best move 5 turns ahead. God handles our life a lot like Shane handled that game. While I was looking for the perfect box to close, Shane was looking at the whole board. He knew that even though his next move would make no sense to me, it needed to happen for his plan to be fulfilled. I only get to see my life minute by minute, day by day. God sees my life all at once. He knows this heartache today will pave way for His plan to be fulfilled down the road. He doesn't sit there and say "what move will be good now?" Instead he carefully plots each move. He plots each victory, each defeat, each heartache and each joy so that His plan for me will come be and the victory will inevitably be His.

Tasting Honey

So at church yesterday, Pastor talked about "tasting honey". It was an interesting sermon about how Saul told his soldiers not to celebrate their victory because the war was not over. His son didn't get the memo and he tasted some honey that was dripping from the trees and was instantly touched and energized.

When you hold back your praise until everything is perfect, you skip thanking God for the little drops of blessing He gives you, the drops of honey. So often I get caught up in waiting for the "big win" before I thank God for His gifts. Pastor challenged us to "taste the honey."

I may not be making six figures a year but thank you God, I'm paying my bills; honey. I would've liked to long since been married by now, but thank you God I am loved by many; honey. I'm not living my dream right now, but thank you God I'm alive to dream; honey. I started tasting the honey today and I feel SO rejuvenated and blessed. Now that I can live off the little blessings (drops of honey), maybe I'll awake when the the big blessings come and I won't miss the gifts He has in store.

My life, his eyes

Have you ever wondered what your life would look like from the point of view of an outsider? Since I'll never be an outsider, I decided to document the next year of my life by photographing Cecil, my friendly gnome friend, one day at a time. Some may be random, others artistic...and some will just be downright stupid, but hopefully Cecil will help you see into my life...even if its just a glimpse!

The big blue...

I love working with children, they are like walking, breathing, illustrated sermons in the making. I was reminded of a story the other day and God sort of opened up my eyes to an obvious truth.

It all started when I purchased a giant blue exercise ball on clearance at Target. I brought it to work and inflated it, and it was instantly the coolest thing in my class. Of course when 9 toddlers surrounded the ball it wasn't able to do much so we came up with a game...catch.

Of course a 3 ft tall toddler can't catch a 2 1/2 ft diameter ball, so when it was time to "catch" whoever was "catching" ended up catching air and flying backwards. Each kid would laugh and get up and run back for more (keep in mind I wasn't hurling the ball at high speeds, so I'm not trying to hurt anyone).

One of my students must've bit his lip, but in all the excitement I missed it. One by one I kept throwing the giant ball "to" the kids and each time this particular student would fall and start running back towards me.

At some point my co-teacher noticed tears falling and blood on his lip. She reached out for him and called his name, eager to comfort him and help him. Despite her arms open wide and despite her calling his name, bloodied and defeated, he kept coming back to the big blue ball.

How often do we do that in our walk?! How often do we get hurt and run right back to the very thing that hurt us when God is waiting, desiring to clean us up and get us back in the game? All my student had to do was turn around and walk away from the ball and he would have been safe, but for whatever reason the source of his discomfort is where he returned.

So obvious, yet so often missed...when wounded and defeated...run to the One who has His arms open wide, he only wants to keep you safe.

Jess